


I'm Only Sleeping

by edgarallanrose



Series: Season 11 Destiel timestamps/codas [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 11x21, 11x22, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s11e21 All In The Family, Episode: s11e22 We Happy Few, Ficlet, Lucifer is kind of a good bro (but not really), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 07:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6944830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgarallanrose/pseuds/edgarallanrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel could feel his Grace growing weaker every day. He had assumed Lucifer would be pleased with the possibility of burning him out permanently. However, while Lucifer had been content for the past few weeks to let Castiel fade in and out of conciseness, the onslaught of Amara’s power had weakened him to a point where oftentimes Castiel was more conscience than he was. </p><p>Castiel hated it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Only Sleeping

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I've missed writing for the last few episodes! I had some health issues that I've been dealing with so I had to put these on hold for a bit. But dis bitch is back and (not)ready for the end of the season! 
> 
> And on that note, I've sort of combined 11x21 and 11x22 into this ficlet. This is partly a timestamp, partly a coda, but not really either of those things. Idk. Make of this what you will.
> 
> Title taken from the Beatles song of the same name.

Castiel could feel his Grace growing weaker every day. He had assumed Lucifer would be pleased with the possibility of burning him out permanently. However, while Lucifer had been content for the past few weeks to let Castiel fade in and out of conciseness, the onslaught of Amara’s power had weakened him to a point where oftentimes Castiel was more conscious than he was.

Castiel hated it.

He wanted to go back to sleep. Lucifer and Amara would not let him. Once, when he felt himself slipping away, Amara had reached out to him immediately. He wondered why at first, until he realized she was using him to speak to Dean. Corrupting their bond with her touch. No matter what he did he would always end up hurting Dean.  

If Amara had debilitated Lucifer to that extent, it had almost obliterated Castiel. But Lucifer wasn’t having it. When they were rescued he could feel Lucifer transferring reserved power to him, keeping Castiel hanging on by a thread. He wasn’t sure why he was doing it. Did he want Castiel to suffer with him? Was there some other purpose Castiel had not yet served that he was needed for? Would he be used to hurt even more than he already had?

He wished for death compared to that alternative.

 _Calm the fuck down, Castiel,_ Lucifer sneered. _You’re my safety net. No one wants to hurt me while you’re still kicking in there. That’s it, end of story._

Castiel did not believe him. But what other choice did he have?

\---

Lucifer kept Castiel awake the entire time they were at the bunker. Again, Castiel begged to be put back under.

Lucifer hesitated.

_I thought I was doing you a favor. This is where you always see yourself whenever I let you wander off to Cas-Land. Don’t you want to see the real thing?_

No, he didn’t. It was too painful. Castiel thought Lucifer knew this, that he was doing this to torture him. Castiel kept this thought buried.

\---

Lucifer had been sulking around the bunker, avoiding Chuck. Castiel had been trying to reason with him, but Lucifer ignored him.

He still would not let Castiel sleep.

They ended up outside the kitchen. Dean was in there, alone, brewing a fresh pot of coffee.

 _If you want I’ll let you talk to him,_ Lucifer offered.

Castiel said no. He asked once more for rest.

_No can do, angel. Shit just got real, and Dad is gonna want you on board with everything we’ve got planned. Gotta keep your wits about you._

If Castiel could cry he would have.

_This is what you signed up for, dickwad. The fight is here. So are you gonna man up and help or keep pining over your boyfriend?_

_\---_

Dean was agitated. He paced around the map table in the war room while they hashed out their plan to capture Amara again and again. He had not looked directly at Castiel’s vessel since he had arrived. Lucifer would not stop looking at Dean. This time Castiel was sure it was because he wanted to irritate him.

“Right, but why keep her in play?” Dean argued. “So she can escape and we can go through this all over again?”

“Dean, what is this about?” Sam asked.

“Am I the only one thinking rational here?”

“It’s about her,” Lucifer chimed in. Castiel bristled. Lucifer, sensing this, smirked and added, “Sam, it’s about his _girlfriend_.”

“Okay, shut up.”

“I mean think about it,” Lucifer went on, “Dean Winchester meets the biggest evil in the universe, and he takes a pass? Come on. Now he wants Daddy to do what he couldn’t.”

 _You know that isn’t his fault._ Castiel argued. _He’s not acting of his own volition._

_You want to tell him that?_

_No._

_Fine. Then pipe down._

“Hey, Dean,” Lucifer said, inviting the conversation back to him. Castiel saw Dean visibly flinch. “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. We opened a vein for you two.”

_Leave him alone._

_What are you going to do about it, Castiel? I thought you wanted nothing to do with this. Still want to go back to sleep?_

\---

When Lucifer was ripped from Castiel’s vessel Castiel blacked out. The one time in weeks when he wanted to stay present, make sure that Sam and Dean were safe.

 _Typical_ , he thought.

He was conscious soon after, but he did not have enough strength to speak, or even open his eyes. But he was aware of everything around him. He could feel Dean’s rough hands on his face. His breath hot on his ear.

“Cas? Hey, Cas, you still in there? C’mon, buddy, give me something. Anything.”

Sam’s voice sounded more distant. Giving Dean space.

“Do you think Amara got rid of them both? Or do you think they’re both still in there and just knocked out? Or –“

“Shut up, Sam.”

Castiel’s face was wet when Dean pulled away, a taste of salt fresh on his lips.

\---

When Castiel came to, he was laid across the backseat of the Impala. His head was being cradled in Dean’s lap. They were stopped at a gas station. Sam was outside, filling up the tank. Dean hadn’t noticed yet that Castiel was awake. His gaze was trained at something outside the window. His eyes were red and puffy.

“Dean,” Cas croaked.

Dean jumped, looked down at Cas’ face before letting a sad smile creep across his face.

“Hey, hey Cas,” he said gently, “how you doin’?”

“Been better,” Cas admitted, trying to sit up. Dean stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Relax, man. You were hurt pretty bad. We’ve only got another hour till we get back to the bunker; why don’t you try and sleep?”

Cas reached up and clasped the hand on his shoulder. Dean squeezed back.

“No, Dean. I don’t want to sleep anymore.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hoo boy, now who's ready for that finale??
> 
> Follow me on the tumblrverse! [edgarallanrose](http://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/)


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